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 Tim Tam Slam
A free LoFi mp3 (not for broadcast) is here
or you can buy a better one for a $1.60 at:
Oxo Cubans - Traces of Nuts - Tim Tam Slam Live (remastered)

Once I met a girl, she said her name was Pam
She told me that I ought to try the Tim Tam Slam
She asked me up for coffee, I thought it was a line
 But we were there before I got to say "your place or mine"
She sat me down she filled the cups
She made it white with one
But when we got the Tim Tams out I knew we had begun
We were doin' the Tim Tam Slam

She showed me how it's done and you can do it too
Get yourself a hot drink and Tim Tam or two
Then bite both ends off one and use it as a straw
Then quickly gulp the lot before it ends up on the floor
Hot chocolate, tea or coffee
It's a choice you'll have to make
'Cos when it comes to sugar rush, this really takes the cake
We were doing the Tim Tam Slam

<>The next thing I knew we'd had about three packets and ran out
We had to start using homebrand Tim Tams... and they're crap
We tried using Chocolate Teddy Bears, biting off one ear and one foot, but you feel a bit inhumane doing that
I tried using a Kit Kat, but I got a hernia
I tried using a Weetbix, but you just end up with porridge in the bottom of the mug
I even tried it with a mint slice and a curry laksa... and actually that was good... uuuurrrgh.
The last thing I remember, Pam was opening a jar of Bonox (which is like essence of cow in a jar)
There was just chocolate everywhere, chocolate everywhere, chocolate everywhere...

The next day when I woke upon the kitchen floor
I felt like I had added on a kilogram or four
My memory was murky, my mouth was much the same
How can such wicked Biscuits go by such a cutesy name
Pam burst in with three bags full
She'd just been at the shop
She grabbed the kettle with a grin and filled it to the top
We were doin' the Tim Tam Slam

That's right y'all, we were doin' it, doin' it 
We were doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, doin' it
We were doin' the Tim Tam Slam
That's right y'all, we were doin' it
In the kitchen we were chewin' it
On the hot plate we were brewin' it
Yeah we were doin' it
We were doin' the Tim Tam Slam, yeah
So whenever you feel this way, don't delay do it today, slam away, it'll be OK
You'll be doin' the Tim Tam Slam

[New Ending]
The packets go up to 11, ascend to a chocolatey heaven
Rending Tim Tam after Tim Tam after Tim Tam
Packets and packets and packets doing the Tim Tam Slam...

<>When someone askes you round for tea, it might sound kind of twee,
but take this advice from me, when they go for the biscuits gotta risk it
You'll be doin' the Tim Tam Slam
 So whenever you feel this way, don't delay do it today, slam away, it'll be OK
You'll be doin' the Tim Tam Slam

©Mal Webb 2000

The rave in the middle of the song varies a bit from time to time: The above is my recent standard. For those poor souls unacquainted with Tim Tams, they are a chocolate biscuits made by the once Australian owned company, Arnotts (now owned by Campbells). Folks in the UK may know of the Penguin biscuit, which is quite similar (well... close, but no cigar). I'm told that Penguin slamming has yet to really catch on in a big way (probably due to the images of clubbed aquatic birdlife it conjures... but maybe that's just me). I think the song explains the technique fairly adequately. The skill is in getting the Tim Tam as full as possible and sucking it into your mouth before it collapses down into the cup. But I do recommend attempting variations: Try it with no hands (best in the bath). Exotic locations, soundtracks and incorporation into yoga poses is a must. I like to imagine a Robbie McGregor (that SBS guy) commentary of the whole thing. Try the gamut of beverages. I was quite a fan of soy dandelion with Hazelnut Tim Tams until Arnotts tragically withdrew that line (and yet they persist with those darstedly Caramel ones). I was once assured that the bee's knees was Tia Maria halfway and coffee the rest, but since I detest coffee and sip a thimble of grog at the most, I could hardly concur. Other bikkies are an option for those desperate for yet another angle (or something cheaper... although I must say Homebrand Triple Chocs simply don't cut the mustard).
Basically, go freestyle, ignore warnings and invest in a mop.